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Remarkable Reads by Nichrysalis

Poetry Literature by TruthisTruth

Title Poem by Nichrysalis

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Submitted on
September 19, 2013
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Aaron was gulping down his anger with cheap vodka, hiding from the world to drown in his self-induced sorrows. It was a routine, at times – fighting then drinking, drinking then fighting. It was as if he wanted it to happen. Today was no different, and the tears that ran down my face were a testament to how the day had gone. I had been beaten down by resentment; disgraced for having an opinion. I knew, at this moment, he hated me. And yet, I loved him. Don’t ask me how or why, but I did, and I wanted to marry him for some god-forsaken reason.

We had been together for over two years, and I felt it was time to make that commitment. The night I brought it up, he began ranting at me again. He asked me "what difference would it make for us" and "why should we pay for something that wouldn't affect the nature of our relationship?" I couldn’t tell him, I didn’t want to tell him. I wanted to be myself again; not living in worry about losing him to someone else because I didn’t fulfill his sexual fantasies. The resentment he had suppressed came out in an exasperated sigh and ‘okay, fine’. I cried myself to sleep that night; not because I was happy, but I knew he wasn’t happy with me again. I was just an annoyance to him, and I just wanted him to love me as I was.

The day we went ring shopping at the mall, my spirits were high on the illusionary hope that it would be a good time. To my chagrin, Aaron didn’t wait long in turning the intended enjoyable day into a depressing endeavor. If he wasn’t silent, he was whining about the stone or the price. I did what I could to keep from giving up; telling myself it would all work out in the end and he was just having a bad day. I settled on one that I really liked. After that, Aaron wouldn’t leave me alone about the fact it was a diamond ring and it was fourteen-hundred dollars. What he didn’t take into account was the ring was a set, and two rings were included in that price. I tried explaining this to him, but it only made the situation worse. It was more about the fact I was talking and not what I was saying.

The walk to the car was a dreadful one. He wouldn’t stop yelling at me about my choice in rings. The resentment he expelled was horrifying, and I just wanted to curl up in a dark corner and die. I didn’t understand what I did wrong; what I did to deserve such treatment, but I must have done something. I wasn’t in the state of mind to connect the dots of our entire relationship to this moment. I wasn't able to think about the fact that this was the way it would be throughout its entirety. I was too lost to comprehend the reality of the situation.

I was terrified by the level of depression that slapped me in the face. It was something I had never felt before, and I didn’t know if I would ever climb out of it. I crawled into bed as soon as we got home, and I didn’t leave until Aaron asked me to pick him up from the mall the next afternoon. No words had passed between us during that time, and nothing was said as I picked him up and drove back home. Silence endured through the evening, as he spent his time down in the basement, drinking. I stayed upstairs in bed, not wanting to wake up each time I fell asleep.

I dozed off at one point and woke up to the light in the bedroom being flipped on. I couldn’t see right away, but I knew Aaron was swaying in the doorway, and there was something in his hand. He stumbled over to the bed and sat down, picking up my right hand and shoving a ring on my finger. Shock raced through my body and I sat up. My heart sank as I realized this was his idea of a proposal: angry, drunk, and the wrong hand. I should’ve told him off, but a part of me was happy as well. Perhaps, despite this horrid beginning, it would all work out in the end. Everything screamed at me to run, run away, but my battered heart was willing to give this man a second chance in hopes that my happy ending would become a reality.


Another short story from the memory bank. I want to add more to this, but if I do that, I will have to write a book. (oh wait.)

Anyways, comments/critique welcome, but don't bash the content. Thanks.


:bulletpurple: Writer's Ink Weekly Round-Up 9/23/13
:bulletpurple: Inspire the Uninspired 9/27/13
:bulletpurple: Various journals
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-10-08
Cheap Vodka by *SMAdams Sad and heartbreaking with no light at the end of the tunnel, but shows the human nature of exploring, forgiving and the road to finding one's self. ( Suggested by Craazhy and Featured by GrimFace242 )
Long before I finished, I could sense an intense significance in the material. You set the tone well and never once fail to deliver each sentence with substance.

You've covered a lot of sensitive subjects with tact. This is a quality that is all-too-rare in modern literature. Maybe you draw that capability from actual experiences. If so, it is in some way a positive. I don't mean to sound cynical, but I believe writing is fifty percent knowing your language and fifty percent having a life worth talking about.

I have a couple technical criticisms. One concerning the overall structure of the work and another over more hair-splitting specifics. I feel as though the paragraphs could have been either formed in alternative ways or splintered into separate thoughts in order to provide a more fluid read.

I would point things out, but I feel it would do more good as a peer if I didn't. Give-a-man-a-fish sort of thing. And if it's something you don't notice, then perhaps I'm being too subjective.

As for hair-splitting specifics, there were a few instances where I believe certain sentences could have been better off as two separate sentences.

Also, I've never enjoyed the look of digits in prose narration. I feel as though $1400 would be better as fourteen-hundred dollars.

Other than that, your grammar is proper and your language is clean. You've told a poignant tale with lucidity and this reader is better for it. :)
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
22 out of 22 deviants thought this was fair.

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wyldhoney Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I am SO sorry you had to go through that, Shara!! :( I hope you have found happiness now!
SMAdams Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I am as happy as one can get. 5 months ag0, I married an amazing man who has been taking wonderful care of me. Truly blessed right now. :heart:
onetwistedpoet Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Stirring work.
Leaves me inspired to share stories of my own.
SMAdams Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, and I am glad. I really hope that sharing stories will help others in the process. :heart:
TruthisTruth Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Congratulation on the DD, Madam! I never remember seeing this in my messages, but I'm glad I've found it. You deserve it! :hug:
SMAdams Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much, darling! :hug:
TruthisTruth Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're quite welcome. :nod:
chrislvssatsuki Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2013  Student General Artist
Congrats on the DD I can easily understand why it got one and it is well deserved. By only looking at about the first sentence i was drawn in and it was the rest that kept me interested, it is extremely well written you did a really good job ^^
SMAdams Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :heart: I am glad you enjoyed.
MaxxToron Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wow. That is a powerful piece. Your portrayal of your character's emotions are so well done that by the end I felt incredibly sorry that she was in this position. The terrible truth is that people are like that, and there's not much we can do about it, even though we may wish that it wasn't real. The volatile sort of romance portrayed in your story is an incredible representation of such a terrible truth of society. A job well done. C'est magnifique. 
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